If it burns you'd take it away, right? If it hurt so bad you'd make it stop, right? I can't.

 

The cancerous hatred is eating at my body again. It wants to break loose..it wants to suddenly be freed from all the aguish left over from the harm I've caused it. But it doesn't look that way. It doesn't look as if we'll be saved today. It doesn't look anything but hopeless. It'll be just me and you, you and i my, young, jagged, glistening friend...we'll travel the world together. We'll lay alone in the darkening of the night. We'll sit side by side, alone in the field of self-detriment.

I've been back in Tennessee for about 2 and half weeks already. This month is just going by so fast - and I like it that way. I hope the next 7 months continue this way as well. I hate that I'm so far away from everything I knew. So far away from the people who know me. So far away from my life. This isn't my life here...this is just another photostrip to my existance. I don't think of this as a life I'm living. I think of it as me putting my life on hold. Nothing I'm doing here is worth the time. Everything I do is either a mistake, or judged. I want nothing more than to go home and crawl into my friends arms and sob. I'm having an overwhelming feeling of emptiness.

 

The baby's cry is taking over my will to concentrate. The dogs annoyance and desperate yelps for attention is getting the best of me. I can't take it. As the fire burns it gives me warmth to something I know is not there; a life I wish to be living. This isn't how I pictured my "life" to be going. This isn't what I always dreamt it would be..this is nothing like in the fairy tales I've read as a child. This is nothing I ever wanted. I don't know why I committed myself to this. It's far lonely out here, darling. About 215 days to get through until I begin again.

I had one of these about 2 years ago. I've been so bored with life lately, I'm desperate enough to find random things on the internet. This excludes porn, thanks. I'm still wondering why I'm even bothering with this. I'll probably forget about it in a couple days. Myspace is boring me...I needed another change. I hate it here...I need to find something to occupy myself with. Forgive me, for I am the young pessimist. I'll regret it again later.